View From My Open Window

While I was looking for an idea for a post (I nearly to make a post on a Curry Puff ya know) - I ran into one of my good buddy in my Facebook. We were catching up on each other as I have not seen her in the office for quite some time now. Suddenly 'that' topic came out....

For the past few months I have been working out my very best for 'that' particular achievement which is very crucial to my career life. So crucial it is, until I stoped everything and cotemplatingly to strive.



The journey had been like a old express train ride, which sadly the ride had never even started. So... I missed the first train whereby it hit me hard and I start to work harder to catch the 2nd train. And there I go, I'm on probation (somehow this word seems to give a bad potrait on me)... I am at my bestest behaviour, no more hanky panky at work, I maintain my efficacy and if I need to kiss ass the higher level, I would kiss their frigging asses too.

There's an old Malay proverbs that says 'Pisang Tak Akan Berbuah Dua Kali' which carry a meaning things will never happen twice. To be such a noob, I hardly swallow the truth that I missed the 2nd train without knowing. What is this? Is this like such a joke?? Who the heck gives one time frame and at the same time let go 2-3 more train rides passing by in between? Is it fair for those who are really try to catch em' up but in the end just have to stoned and watch the speedy bullet train gazed off infront of him/her?


So a friend tried to calm my raging sulk... perhaps it is not my ride, yet. But you see, I am not Management study genius, but somehow aren't there will be an after effect of this so-called upgrading procedures that would affect those people who are still in probation such as yours truely? And to be depending solitarily on performances, arent there any other supporting aspects that can be a forte to ones achievement? Not to pin-point, but some of those train passangers slammed on late comings and inaccuracy facts?



I am not complaining over my seniority and perhaps not due for being a such a preppy princess over my adequacy. But I feel bothered when...

• My hardwork still remain unnoticeable. I'm unwell but still I come to work to jaga my so-called repo. Might as well I take that stupid medical leave kan? Does it really matter now as they are only gonna look back at my little black book in like another 4 months time?


• Why done another quick LRT train ride (and didnt allow in those who missed the 1st batch) if they are not done with those who missed the first train.
  

So.. here I am. Still watching as the trains passing by and realizing life could be such an ass.

Ya Allah.. I still feel horrible due to the break up. I thought I'm over it, but unfortunately... it seems not. Kenapa ye?

Ever since my split, I found out that I have a little bit more time for myself (and my family). I started to stay at home more and started a little bit extra more care on myself e.g my hair, my nails, my skin, my bowel activity?, my wardrobe etc. Life is little bit more focus these days.

I've been longing to update my shoes. One thing about me I am very particular about shoes, this is why it took me 1000 years to find a right shoes for myself. Bite me.


After many grueling months of shoes hunting, I finally sets myself to Pavillion today and good Lord, 4 hours was not enough! And of course the 4 hours was utilized not just for shoes hunting. Since was pretty light headed when I woke up earlier (thanx to 11 hours of sleeping) I decided get my hair wash and blow before my journey begins. (actually also to catch a glimpse of head massage... hmmm... oh my...~!) Nothing feels better than starting a mission, what ever mission there is, with a good hair!

And may I tell you, there are too many choices!-of shoes that is. As today is the 2nd day of the fasting month, I have to bare with all the shoes temptation (and perfumes!) and I have to say I'm pretty happy to bring home with these 2 shoes:


I am so over with court shoes and killer stillettos due to my back-ache. No more feet-killer shoes. Pumps/Mary Jane are way too comfortable!

For some few people who knows me, I have a passion for baking. But I barely shares that with people. Most of the time the people will only gets end product from me.

One of the reason I dont really like other people in my kitchen is because I like to be in control. I control the quantity, the speed of the mixer, the temperature of the oven.. etc. I will get annoyed if other people spill the things that I already measured. I get annoyed easily.

So the other day I was late for work because waiting for my muffin to be set in the oven. So my mom willingly to look after my muffin while I go to work. As the time goes by in the office, I was pretty much anxious about the out come of my Banana Pecan Muffin. Will it be undercook? Will it be tad dry? Will it be too sweet? Will it be too much liquid?

I have to say my mom is such a cool mother, besides willing to monitor the muffin... she also willingly to send the muffins to my office. Ain't she so sweet?

So as my mom called me when she arrived at my office, my heart feel such a glee as I excited to get my muffins. To my surprised my mom only brought half of the batch and when I open the container, some of the edge of those muffins are abit....

RENTUNG.

Haha, this is why I like to be in control in my kitchen. My mom is so hilarious-lah!

P.s: I took the picture with my compact camera the other day, but upon uploading the picture in here suddenly my memory card is having an error and have to reformat it. =.="

If u had been noticing, I had not been blog for quite awhile now. Having the idea of living in a fairy tale most probably had been a relentless reason of not having my fingers dancing on the keyboard anymore. I guess 'fairy tale' is such a strong metaphore, it is more like feeling occupied and filled in... thus I thought I would not need the blog anymore. I almost delete this account as I thought it may be pointless in such way on having to much accounts. (e.g: 5 diff emails, YM, FB, MSN.. twas thinking for Twitter too)

But a fairy tale doesnt mean ends with a happy ending. As I taught myself living life is like an experiment, I forgot there are other elements which is descret in ones life: Emotion.

So my relationship with Dave have came to an end, after a glorious a year and a quarter. We've come to an end and decided to be friends. Friends? Yes, friends. And at first I thought its gonna be ay-ok (too much optimiistic pills). Few mins after deciding, then a sudden hollowness struck my heart and my head. Oh Shit, I dont have a boyfriend anymore!

A symptom that I never noticed I had before, I was relying my emotions too much on this human being named Dave. When I was happy, I would laugh with him... when I was sad, I would cry with him.. when I was angry, I would complaint to him; Dave had been the new subject of comfort. But I forgotten that we supposed to have this sort of casual relationship. Like our former prime minister once said "Melayu mudah lupa..."

It has been 3 weeks since the official of me not being a girlfriend to Mr.Dave anymore. I will not lie... I still miss him though, I still imagine him walking across the office, I still felt the warm of his palm embracing my hand, I still have our picture sitting infront of the bed and I still have his number on my speed dial. oh come on.. after a year and a quarter you expect me to just forget about everything in a split nano-second? His existent to my life had been more or less like a routine to me. But routine will still be a routine, it will go off.. but this gonna take some time.

===============================================================================================

Couple of months ago I knew someone over the internet and this dude name Jhonson. He'd been quite a good friend of mine and he ran a restaurant in Melbourne. He's such a fun dude, he'd made a point that he gonna be coming to Malaysia this October for vacation and I can tag in. We were looking forward the Langkawi trip.


I had not been on my YM ever since my brother came home for a month, so for the first time in a month I switched on my YM.. it was on the 3rd of August 2010. I received couple of offline messages from Jhon's account.



Suddenly my jolly evening on getting a hold to the pc again had turned to be a panic attack. I left my pc and straight to my room and dialed Jhon's number. His family answered, his sickness had taken its toll on him and he is really gone. Damn.


One freaking frustation gloomed inside of me. Well, few days before he left to India... he did give me a call in the middle of the night all the way from Melbourne. I was sleeping but I managed to answer, I got to cut it short due because I will be working the next day and I hope he understand. And that was the final phone call I ever receive from him. To go back to reality that he's gone now, this thing had been ringing in my head ever since I heard the news... "If only I could be much more friendlier to him on that call... sucha bitch...!"