View From My Open Window

If u had been noticing, I had not been blog for quite awhile now. Having the idea of living in a fairy tale most probably had been a relentless reason of not having my fingers dancing on the keyboard anymore. I guess 'fairy tale' is such a strong metaphore, it is more like feeling occupied and filled in... thus I thought I would not need the blog anymore. I almost delete this account as I thought it may be pointless in such way on having to much accounts. (e.g: 5 diff emails, YM, FB, MSN.. twas thinking for Twitter too)

But a fairy tale doesnt mean ends with a happy ending. As I taught myself living life is like an experiment, I forgot there are other elements which is descret in ones life: Emotion.

So my relationship with Dave have came to an end, after a glorious a year and a quarter. We've come to an end and decided to be friends. Friends? Yes, friends. And at first I thought its gonna be ay-ok (too much optimiistic pills). Few mins after deciding, then a sudden hollowness struck my heart and my head. Oh Shit, I dont have a boyfriend anymore!

A symptom that I never noticed I had before, I was relying my emotions too much on this human being named Dave. When I was happy, I would laugh with him... when I was sad, I would cry with him.. when I was angry, I would complaint to him; Dave had been the new subject of comfort. But I forgotten that we supposed to have this sort of casual relationship. Like our former prime minister once said "Melayu mudah lupa..."

It has been 3 weeks since the official of me not being a girlfriend to Mr.Dave anymore. I will not lie... I still miss him though, I still imagine him walking across the office, I still felt the warm of his palm embracing my hand, I still have our picture sitting infront of the bed and I still have his number on my speed dial. oh come on.. after a year and a quarter you expect me to just forget about everything in a split nano-second? His existent to my life had been more or less like a routine to me. But routine will still be a routine, it will go off.. but this gonna take some time.

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Couple of months ago I knew someone over the internet and this dude name Jhonson. He'd been quite a good friend of mine and he ran a restaurant in Melbourne. He's such a fun dude, he'd made a point that he gonna be coming to Malaysia this October for vacation and I can tag in. We were looking forward the Langkawi trip.


I had not been on my YM ever since my brother came home for a month, so for the first time in a month I switched on my YM.. it was on the 3rd of August 2010. I received couple of offline messages from Jhon's account.



Suddenly my jolly evening on getting a hold to the pc again had turned to be a panic attack. I left my pc and straight to my room and dialed Jhon's number. His family answered, his sickness had taken its toll on him and he is really gone. Damn.


One freaking frustation gloomed inside of me. Well, few days before he left to India... he did give me a call in the middle of the night all the way from Melbourne. I was sleeping but I managed to answer, I got to cut it short due because I will be working the next day and I hope he understand. And that was the final phone call I ever receive from him. To go back to reality that he's gone now, this thing had been ringing in my head ever since I heard the news... "If only I could be much more friendlier to him on that call... sucha bitch...!"