So... that's the end of it.
My piano had gone with the lorry for disposal.
Mixed feelings collide inside.
A little of sad.
A little of grieve.
A little of disbelieve.
... And a little of relieve.

This is a tribute to my old piano(s).

It was not long ago i bought that piano with a major from my savings. Back in 2003 I've decided to upgrade my Yamaha Studio Upright (that i owned more than 8 years) to Suzuki Digital, just simply because I was so into music composition. Been exposed to piano since I was 10, it had been a part of my life - regardless when I'm happy, when I fall, when I'm angry, falling in love, out of love, feeling bored or content, etc. It's me and my music. I never felt so attached with any other musical instruments other than piano.

My Yamaha Upright was the initial of my every obsession on classical music. From there (and Ms.Cathy - my former piano instructor) I dived into the universe of beautiful classical (like Chopin, Vivaldi, Tchaikovsky, Beethoven, Strauss, Mozart, Brahm, etc) to Disney (the common Whole New World, Beauty and The Beast) to oldies (The Beetles, Love Story, Micheal Learns To Rock, etc) to Pop (Le Ann Rhimes, Savage Garden, Britney Spears), to Malay Pop (Siti, Nora, etc) and lastly to modern classical of Richard Clayderman. To me, among all... nothing outbid classical and for that I enjoyed the most!

Getting Suzuki Digital wasnt much of my first choice. Well, I prefer Yamaha but I changed my mind due it was known for being so freaking expensive. With that amount of money (at the age of 17), I can only afford Suzuki to meet my wonderness. I explored more sound, more creativity... but seriously, the feelings aint the same as playing Upright - just because Upright provide more firm surface. Gotta love for what I paid though.

26th Feb 2006 - Shah Alam had the worst flash flood in history ever! The Suzuki Digital has yet to be 3 years old, but sad to say it had drowned during the mayhem. Few months after the flood I tried to get it fix (even referred to some friends who actually piano expertise) but none say it good.
  1. If I want to get it fix, I need to replace the whole motherboard.
  2. Since it drowned, there are possibility for the piano to collapse in process to move it whereabout.
Damn! Which left me with an end. People have no idea how hard for me to live every day back then. Have you ever felt something part of you been taken out from your life and thus your life became disfuntional in certain ways? That's how I felt. I could feel the pain every time I walked down the stairs and stared at the dead piano in front of me. Even when I was emotionally distraught I had a difficulties to expressed my anxiety to diff channel, thus I started to bang and throw things around, or perhaps break anything I could get in hand. Do you know how hard that was?

Day by day, we moved things around the house. The piano just sit still under the staircase to be an ornament for my mother's pots of flower arrangements. It will soon be forgotten, but its like a burden for me to see every day. What good it posses if it could only sit still being dead while I cannot enjoy playing it anymore? It took me 3 years to make the decision to let it go, and ask a person to dispose the thing (though the person is just a dial away). I learned to let it go.

My mom reminded me something recently, as per quote:
"Mama happy tengok masa Lydia main piano dulu. Even though orang suruh practise 1 jam je, you will practise at least 3 hours a day tanpa disuruh. And masa tu mama tau you happy sangat main piano. Mama pun happy. I think I want to get you a new piano."

P.s: I don't understand how people could once reacted to my piano misery "why don't u get yourself a keyboard then, at least there's something...". Waddaheck?! Trust me, if I buy a keyboard, it will turned me to be some what retard and I will end up slamming the keyboard to wall or crash it into million pieces with a bulldozer! The problem isn't the keyboard, its just me. If I really wanna get a fucking keyboard, I must have gotten it long time ago la!