I had just came back from Merck's Annual Dinner at the The Saujana, KL. It was fun and frenzy, until the moment I dropped Wan at her place.

Here's a lil dirt about Wan. She's a good friend of mine since my sophomore year and still am since I'm doing my project under Puan Rozila and she's currently Puan Rozila's research assistant.

Recently she had a breakdown, the shit is like... her current boyfriend is sorta gives her a cold shoulder or bak kata orang melayu 'main tarik tali' atau 'acuh tak acuh'. Before this she'd a breakup with the same person (she wanted it), but then after that she went to dig her own shit by cari balik orang tu. And I think the guy is starting to play with her heart and her head.

I've been bare with my own feelings to remain calm for the past few weeks due to her antiques (her so called misery), but just now she'd just across the border a little bit more.

In the middle of Merck's Dinner, she borrowed my cellphone. I figured she's calling her sister. Then after we went back from the event, when we reached her house... she borrowed mine again and put it on loudspeaker. And a guy's voice answered. WTF?!

Wan: Hello... saya da sampai umah dah.
That guy: ok la

then he hung up. Well.. the moment she put it on loudspeaker, I wasnt happy bout it. It doesnt amuse me at all. Why she go and call that blardy bastard? And the most I'm not happy about, why calling that bastard using my cellphone?! Dah tau i tak suka that guy... urgh! Then complain if she's using my cellphone the guy will answer it immediately while it takes him to answer after the 3rd times of calling if she uses her own phone. what is she trying to prove to me by doing that?

i knew from the start that he's not really that into her. and tomorrow she wants me to follow her all the way to Bangi (i think i buy my own tix) to meet up with him because she wants him to break up with her. Yes, u didnt read it wrong. She wants that guy to break up with her (not that she wants to break up with the guy instead). What the crap?

the reason she wants me to go along because what she heard from her friend, one girl faced the same thing and the guy end up asked her to prove to him (by giving her virginity) and end up the guy still dump her. i know Wan wants a closure. and she seems really positive about that guy is so gonna break up with her if she go to Bangi (as she will make him angry sorta shit). But she'd been ignoring my thoughts:

  1. What if dia cakap dia still sayang kat Wan? Then Wan will melt again and going thru the same thng again, and misery again, and feels shitty again.. (and haunt me again?) Then she said "he will definitely would never say that". I asked "how u know?!". She replied "because i know him". I asked him "but if he changes his mind and say he still want to continue the relationship?"
  2. Once Wan asked that guy "do u still love me?" and the guy took a long pause before he answered "maybe". And since then Wan still putting her highest hope on that guy. WTF? What kind of boyfriend answers "maybe" on that? Either it is a 'yes' or 'no' isnt it? If its a 'maybe' the guy is unsure with his feelings, thus.. he does think bout ditching u la blardy ass-hole! cuma dia takmo cakap je!
  3. From there u can see that guy can end up mess up with her head by saying that he dont wanna break up with him, kan? Then the usaha of 2 hours komuter journey to Bangi will be such a waste. Kan? Kan?
  4. Is it nescessary to report everything yg ko buat kat lelaki tuh? Perlu ke? I bet the dude dont even wanna know lah!
The other day Wan did said something bout I didnt really support her like her other friends do (because the rest were so furious regarding this matter and i can remain my calm). I told her that if I give her nasihat pon, not that she gonna listen pon. She said "tak jugak..." (denial). And now, I'd give my words... ada dia dengar ke? Ada dia nak peduli? Fuck u la, she dont give a damn.. nak ikot kepala sendiri je. Lagi nk bertekak ngan aku kata aku tak faham.

What the heck that I need to understand?
I understood that he dont want u...
I understood that he wants to mess up with ur heart...
and I understood that you're a psyco-bitch who failed to face the fact.

So siapa yg tak faham skarang nie? Siapa yg nk sangat pergi Bangi supaya jantan dgn harapan jantan tu akan putuskan hubungan (mcm confirm je)?
Sometimes I wonder why I put myself in this shitness. Kalo diikutkan, I dont even wanna know this crap. But kenapa aku nak buang masa dgn benda ni smua? Wan... because ko kawan aku. Ko sahabat aku. Aku care pasal ko. Ko nak defend lelaki yg buat ko terpinga-pinga tu over kawan ko, kan? Tapi kalo mcm ni la perangai ko, baik ko tak payah jadi sahabat aku. Tuhan da bagi ko otak, ko tak nak guna. Tuhan da bagi sahabat-sahabat ko otak, ko still tak nak dengar. Berlagak la konon lelaki tu nak go on lagi the relationship dengan ko, end up ko sengsara and ko kusutkan otak smua orang. Seriously, at this point.. kalo ko rasa ko nak gi mati, aku pon tak peduli dah. At least otak aku tak kusut da lepas tu.

And last but not least, kalo ko rasa ko nak mendekatkan diri ngan Zul.. lepas ni aku da tak nak tolong da... coz aku sedar, kalo camni la perangai ko... ko ternyata tak layak langsung untuk lelaki baik seperti Zul!

p.s: drama ko ni betul-betul mematikan my happiness after meeting my bapak angkat kat Merck tadi! Sesungguhnye aku tersangat happy bila terjumpe bapak angkat aku tadi and glad that he's still cute and wicked, which I hope my happiness will remain at least till aku tertido mlm ni. But tak sempat aku nak sampai umah ko da spoil-kan mood aku. Damn u!