View From My Open Window

Lets photogedik, shall we?

While I was looking for an idea for a post (I nearly to make a post on a Curry Puff ya know) - I ran into one of my good buddy in my Facebook. We were catching up on each other as I have not seen her in the office for quite some time now. Suddenly 'that' topic came out....

For the past few months I have been working out my very best for 'that' particular achievement which is very crucial to my career life. So crucial it is, until I stoped everything and cotemplatingly to strive.



The journey had been like a old express train ride, which sadly the ride had never even started. So... I missed the first train whereby it hit me hard and I start to work harder to catch the 2nd train. And there I go, I'm on probation (somehow this word seems to give a bad potrait on me)... I am at my bestest behaviour, no more hanky panky at work, I maintain my efficacy and if I need to kiss ass the higher level, I would kiss their frigging asses too.

There's an old Malay proverbs that says 'Pisang Tak Akan Berbuah Dua Kali' which carry a meaning things will never happen twice. To be such a noob, I hardly swallow the truth that I missed the 2nd train without knowing. What is this? Is this like such a joke?? Who the heck gives one time frame and at the same time let go 2-3 more train rides passing by in between? Is it fair for those who are really try to catch em' up but in the end just have to stoned and watch the speedy bullet train gazed off infront of him/her?


So a friend tried to calm my raging sulk... perhaps it is not my ride, yet. But you see, I am not Management study genius, but somehow aren't there will be an after effect of this so-called upgrading procedures that would affect those people who are still in probation such as yours truely? And to be depending solitarily on performances, arent there any other supporting aspects that can be a forte to ones achievement? Not to pin-point, but some of those train passangers slammed on late comings and inaccuracy facts?



I am not complaining over my seniority and perhaps not due for being a such a preppy princess over my adequacy. But I feel bothered when...

• My hardwork still remain unnoticeable. I'm unwell but still I come to work to jaga my so-called repo. Might as well I take that stupid medical leave kan? Does it really matter now as they are only gonna look back at my little black book in like another 4 months time?


• Why done another quick LRT train ride (and didnt allow in those who missed the 1st batch) if they are not done with those who missed the first train.
  

So.. here I am. Still watching as the trains passing by and realizing life could be such an ass.

Ya Allah.. I still feel horrible due to the break up. I thought I'm over it, but unfortunately... it seems not. Kenapa ye?

Ever since my split, I found out that I have a little bit more time for myself (and my family). I started to stay at home more and started a little bit extra more care on myself e.g my hair, my nails, my skin, my bowel activity?, my wardrobe etc. Life is little bit more focus these days.

I've been longing to update my shoes. One thing about me I am very particular about shoes, this is why it took me 1000 years to find a right shoes for myself. Bite me.


After many grueling months of shoes hunting, I finally sets myself to Pavillion today and good Lord, 4 hours was not enough! And of course the 4 hours was utilized not just for shoes hunting. Since was pretty light headed when I woke up earlier (thanx to 11 hours of sleeping) I decided get my hair wash and blow before my journey begins. (actually also to catch a glimpse of head massage... hmmm... oh my...~!) Nothing feels better than starting a mission, what ever mission there is, with a good hair!

And may I tell you, there are too many choices!-of shoes that is. As today is the 2nd day of the fasting month, I have to bare with all the shoes temptation (and perfumes!) and I have to say I'm pretty happy to bring home with these 2 shoes:


I am so over with court shoes and killer stillettos due to my back-ache. No more feet-killer shoes. Pumps/Mary Jane are way too comfortable!

For some few people who knows me, I have a passion for baking. But I barely shares that with people. Most of the time the people will only gets end product from me.

One of the reason I dont really like other people in my kitchen is because I like to be in control. I control the quantity, the speed of the mixer, the temperature of the oven.. etc. I will get annoyed if other people spill the things that I already measured. I get annoyed easily.

So the other day I was late for work because waiting for my muffin to be set in the oven. So my mom willingly to look after my muffin while I go to work. As the time goes by in the office, I was pretty much anxious about the out come of my Banana Pecan Muffin. Will it be undercook? Will it be tad dry? Will it be too sweet? Will it be too much liquid?

I have to say my mom is such a cool mother, besides willing to monitor the muffin... she also willingly to send the muffins to my office. Ain't she so sweet?

So as my mom called me when she arrived at my office, my heart feel such a glee as I excited to get my muffins. To my surprised my mom only brought half of the batch and when I open the container, some of the edge of those muffins are abit....

RENTUNG.

Haha, this is why I like to be in control in my kitchen. My mom is so hilarious-lah!

P.s: I took the picture with my compact camera the other day, but upon uploading the picture in here suddenly my memory card is having an error and have to reformat it. =.="

If u had been noticing, I had not been blog for quite awhile now. Having the idea of living in a fairy tale most probably had been a relentless reason of not having my fingers dancing on the keyboard anymore. I guess 'fairy tale' is such a strong metaphore, it is more like feeling occupied and filled in... thus I thought I would not need the blog anymore. I almost delete this account as I thought it may be pointless in such way on having to much accounts. (e.g: 5 diff emails, YM, FB, MSN.. twas thinking for Twitter too)

But a fairy tale doesnt mean ends with a happy ending. As I taught myself living life is like an experiment, I forgot there are other elements which is descret in ones life: Emotion.

So my relationship with Dave have came to an end, after a glorious a year and a quarter. We've come to an end and decided to be friends. Friends? Yes, friends. And at first I thought its gonna be ay-ok (too much optimiistic pills). Few mins after deciding, then a sudden hollowness struck my heart and my head. Oh Shit, I dont have a boyfriend anymore!

A symptom that I never noticed I had before, I was relying my emotions too much on this human being named Dave. When I was happy, I would laugh with him... when I was sad, I would cry with him.. when I was angry, I would complaint to him; Dave had been the new subject of comfort. But I forgotten that we supposed to have this sort of casual relationship. Like our former prime minister once said "Melayu mudah lupa..."

It has been 3 weeks since the official of me not being a girlfriend to Mr.Dave anymore. I will not lie... I still miss him though, I still imagine him walking across the office, I still felt the warm of his palm embracing my hand, I still have our picture sitting infront of the bed and I still have his number on my speed dial. oh come on.. after a year and a quarter you expect me to just forget about everything in a split nano-second? His existent to my life had been more or less like a routine to me. But routine will still be a routine, it will go off.. but this gonna take some time.

===============================================================================================

Couple of months ago I knew someone over the internet and this dude name Jhonson. He'd been quite a good friend of mine and he ran a restaurant in Melbourne. He's such a fun dude, he'd made a point that he gonna be coming to Malaysia this October for vacation and I can tag in. We were looking forward the Langkawi trip.


I had not been on my YM ever since my brother came home for a month, so for the first time in a month I switched on my YM.. it was on the 3rd of August 2010. I received couple of offline messages from Jhon's account.



Suddenly my jolly evening on getting a hold to the pc again had turned to be a panic attack. I left my pc and straight to my room and dialed Jhon's number. His family answered, his sickness had taken its toll on him and he is really gone. Damn.


One freaking frustation gloomed inside of me. Well, few days before he left to India... he did give me a call in the middle of the night all the way from Melbourne. I was sleeping but I managed to answer, I got to cut it short due because I will be working the next day and I hope he understand. And that was the final phone call I ever receive from him. To go back to reality that he's gone now, this thing had been ringing in my head ever since I heard the news... "If only I could be much more friendlier to him on that call... sucha bitch...!"

-adapted from Cosmopolitan June 2007 which I took from a clinic I went recently-


1. Movies Any kind of lock can be picked with a credit card or hairgrip.
Reality Ha! Just try it on your front door next time you lose your handbag during a night out.


2. Movies First-time sex is slow, sensuous and completely magical.
Reality First-time sex is drunken, a little bit bumpy and often not that good, really.


3. Movies Men's shirts get wet and have to be removed in women's home.
Reality We live in one of the wettest countries in the world, yet this never happens.


4. Movies Your boss is a smooth-talking lady-killer.
Reality He's more Hugh Hefner than Hugh Grant. Heh.


5. Movies You can work in a city, yet live in a thatched cottage (like Kate Winslet in The Holiday)
Reality Our homes look more like something from the set of Shameless (unless if u hv a maid, then there's a possibility to be otherwise).


6. Movies Convertible cars are glamourous.
Reality They make you look like you've been caught in an industrial wind tunnel.



7. Movies The hot bartender has time to give love-life advice while flipping bottles in the air.
Reality Our not-hot bartender ignores us for ages, then barely grunts as he serves us.



8. Movies Men make women reach orgasm with the use of a single flower (40 Days And 40 Nights)
Reality If the flower vibrated, then maybe.... (hahaha..!!!)



9. Movies You bump into a record-label tycoon while singing to yourself on a train.
Reality You bump into a guy on a train who has yet to discover deodorant.



10.Movies Your misjudge that sexy, yet arrogant guy. He reveals he's suffered a tragic loss and becomes your dream man.
Reality You were right. He's a moron.

Have u ever went out for a dinner with your parents and end up regretting it?

Yes, this is one of those night.

So my mom screamed on to my sick face this morning. I thought following them for dinner will a bit subside my aching aching aching heart today and brings us all back to a good term.

I was wrong, so wrong! I shud have follow my guts to stay at home and watch You've Got Mail on Cinemax, but my sadistic mind thought 'why dont I do a nobel thing and follow them for dinner so everything will be fine'. One of my nobel thoughts that turned out to be freaking unwise decision that I ever made.

I am 23 years old (24 in 4 mths time), but for heaven sake please stop being obsess with my life! Go find other kids to be obsess with, will you?

Omg, I feel so wanna move out from this house, seriously. Its driving me fucking crazy.

I was happy to have the reunion meet up at The Gardens yesterday. Its like we grew, but not that much. Have I told u how I love reunions?

During my reunion party I received an sms from EX#2 wanted to mee up. So I agreed to have the short meet up... and guess what... he spill his heart out on wanting to take me seriously. Its felt like been pulled into the quick sand. To be honest, I have no feelings towards him. The feelings died when he misused me back then.

Dave been quite busy these days, I hv not seen him much but we do keep in touch from time to time. Or maybe twice a day. Somehow I felt pretty guilty on meeting up EX#2 last night and I have yet to tell Dave about the meet up. To my surprise, an sms from Dave this morning really give a smack on my head...

So... I had just thinking of getting a new boyfriend when the old one started to have some attitude problem, cracking up and having some disfunctinalities issue. Well, I thought of finding new one this January as I thought... new year, fresh start. But oh well, I couldnt stand on the tantrum on my boyfriend had put on these days. Thus, I requested to have some time away.

Life is much easier if we're still kids.

As my age turn to 23 these days, I came across to adult issues that pertaining commitments, love, life, money, sex?, etc. Its funny as I brain hv to grow along to make it synchronize with my age.

The same old question still lingers in my head: "How would you know he's THE ONE for you?"

I have asked the question once to Kak Fatin, a week after Farid blurted the news about her getting enggage and she said..."well... u just know" and left me in blank after that. The question is remain unanwered (or its already answered but I dont buy it).


I do


Few weeks ago I managed to participate in Kak Fatin's wedding to Mr.Mubarak. It was very nice, I was overwhelmed with how it went. Most probably it is because the first wedding that I attended as adult. Still, I feel like those were the days I used to follow Opah around to wedding ceremonies back in my younger days. It was fun! Despite the fact that my toes hurt due the new shoes (damn u new shoes!), the ceremony was lavish and beautiful. Kak Fatin looks gorgeous and how handsome Mr.Mubarak was. The whole day was blessed with happiness. Now the couple are on their way to produce progenies.


I dont

Living in the working life at the moment allow me to mingles with varieties traits of people, varieties of people means varieties of issues, varieties of issues means varieties of headache. Jennifer and Michael are happily married for 9 years now. They had been blessed with love and happiness, health and wealth. The turning point for the marriage when suddenly Michael starts having affair with Cheryl, a much younger woman. Very much for happy ending. The fairytales that they living in turns to a mighty nightmare. Jennifer felt betrayed, deceived. Michael treats her like a piece of doormat and only turn home to be feed or for sex. Now Jennifer is considering for a divorce.

I dont know


So... my bestfriend Ashley is getting engage in 2 weeks time. A vibration from my phone broke down the silent of my Monday morning where she texted me with "Lydia, I'd just found out Russel has a new affair". Why it didnt shocked me much, perhaps I heard about this thing way before the existance of telephone, thanks to Alexander Graham Bell. So, yesterday Ashley spills everything pertaining to Russel in my kitchen. He start seeing that girl when the day Ashley told Russel that she wanna a little time away. I was like "wtf? he seeing the girl 'that' soon?" and time has past like 2 months ago? The scenario is like, the man got into an arguement with the woman, the man go to the pub, and there he go... he scores a whore! Well, for the moment... since there's alot weird things happening between those two (have I told u Russel's mom and sister is not a big fan of Ashley?), Ashley is having a second thought of whether marrying Russel is the right thing.

So... how do u measure LOVE by the way? I am not prejudice on this matter... I am just blindly confuse.

Relevan tak kalo aku nak rasa tak berapa puas hati kalo bf aku terlupa nak call aku?

Aritu bila dia transfered dia JANJI nak call aku tiap2 malam.

Smalam dia lupa nak call aku.

Malam nie dia hampir lupa nak call aku... itu pon masa aku call dia, dia tgh bz nak get ready coz nak gi clubbing and dia kata nak call aku bila dia dalam kreta nnt. He end up call aku, conversation cuma 1 minit 30 saat je. Aku rasa sekadar cukup syarat je.

Relevan tak kalo rasa tak puas hati skarang nie???

Shit you! Aku rasa nak dispute!

So... this is my 2nd month on working in shift.

Do u know what is the weirdest thing to work in shifts?

Is the Transition.

Its been few weeks my schedule had been afternoon and evening shifts where i hv the previledge to wakes up late.

Today is the first morning shift for the past2-3 weeks, the cuckooness strikes the air and oh God its been 2 hours I'm in the office but I'm still one heck of sleepy!

I hv to adjust my biological clock back pronto! sigh...

I had 'that' talk with my mom again yesterday. My mom adviced not to fall on 'that' kind of man.

My life is like an odd ball. I dont know why these days this thing kept linger in my head. Its like the potential of my life will be either one:

1. Aku jadi andartu
2. I fail my marriage

Scary, somehow I dont fantasize on happy ever after ending. Perhaps the reality that lies around me is not so happy ending like what teenage girls always dream on. My mom had warned me about her bestie's life, Ita.

She have 4 kids, quite successful woman. But his husband does not work. So I asked why his husband is not working? Well.. previously his husband did work with some kind devoloper company, but after for quite some time... he decided to not to work anymore. And I've met this man before, his not old owhkay! So left Ita alone who hv to work on her own to maintain the life for her kids, her husband and his husband's family. Yes, the in-laws. Ita owned an apartment that is fully furnished but the husband insist to live with his family in BB. Then later the husband treats her shitty, perhaps he thought he's still great - forgotting that the homosapien who brings the food to the table is his wife - alone. After few years of feeling deceived and used, Ita thought enough is enough. Furthermore the husband always joke around on giving a talak. What the hell is wrong with that guy? Ita packed her bags and out of the house. She's now a free woman.

This is indeed scary. I need to find for a guy who I can feel secure, who willing to take care of me sincerely, who can be with me until my last breathed. Worlds these days proposed that its hard to get these kind of gentlemen with such exquisite qualities.

My mom said I must start to socialize from now on so I can find my 'missing' puzzle. Perhaps there is a guy somewhere in this world who is looking for me as well. Sigh... my mom always gives hilarious quotes these days.

I dont blog these days. Not because I dont have anything to babble about, good Lord I have a hell loads of things to yap on but all become an end when I come across to the normal significant habit of mine, MALAS.

This morning I had an appointment with Optimax. Oh... I forgot to tell you I had my eyes lasik-ed 24 days ago. It was the prime time to get a lasik since the last incident during my raya in kampong this year whereby my glasses snap on the raya morning which leads to almost one day of three quater blindness.

My opto said my eyes are very dry.

After my appointment with opto, I've decided to go to my grandmom's house and have lunch. Oh snap, it's just 9.30am... that Muslim Chinese restaurant not open at that hour! So I've decided to have breakky, in Shah Alam still. That will buy some time. After figuring out who will be my victim, so I thought... lets asked Ex#2 for breakky since he'd been smsing me last week to ajak lepak. Btw, Ex#2 is my 2nd ex bf - was my former schoolmate, was my former bestfriend's former bf, who cheated on me over my former roommate. It was a shitty 4 years for me over him, but maybe I am kind to let him be friends with me again this year.

Lepak in McD, bla bla bla.. catching up. And he said he missed me and he sorta hv an idea to get back together. I was like, wth? With all do respect, no. And judging from my quality, he's planning to send the rombongan meminang next year. ?!?!?!?!?!?!

Sorry babe, I have to reject you. Though I hv yet to found any candidate at the moment, but I rather not having the relationship with you... judging from the shitty experience I had with you previously. He confessed he done loads of stupid things previously, even I dont really like him he was having the idea of 'perhaps u can love me after the marriage? some ppl do that'. No.

So I sped to my grandmom's house, had a good day there lepak with my grandmom and playing with Baby Omar. Omg, he's a huge baby now... so mischievously adorable. With collides of anxiety from other issues in my life, later that evening I've decided to write Ex#2 an sms:

ADVICE FROM UKM MEDICAL DOCTOR

Little did you know ....... after reading THIS, you'll NEVER look at petai in the same way again!

Petai contains three natural sugars -sucrose, fructose and glucose. Combined with fiber, petai gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proved that just two servings of petai provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute wor kout. No wonder petai is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way petai can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.


Depression:
According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND among people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating petai. This is because petai contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.


PMS(premenstrual syndrome):
Forget the pills - eat petai. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.


Anaemi a:
High in iron, petai can stimulate the production of haemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anaemia.


Blood Pressure:
This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the petai industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.


Brain Power :
200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating petai at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.


Constipatio n:
High in fiber, including petai in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.


Hangovers:
One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a petai milkshake, sweetened with honey. The petai calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.


Heartburn:
Petai has a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating petai for soothing relief.


Morning Sickness :
Snacking on petai between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.


Mosquito b ites :
Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of the petai skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.


Nerves:
Petai is high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.


Overweight:
Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report c oncluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.


Ulcers:
Petai is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.


Temperature control :
Many other cultures see petai as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In hoiland, for example, pregnant women eat petai to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.


Seasonal Affecti ve Disorder (SAD) :
Petai can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer, tryptophan.


Smoking:
Petai can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.


Stress:
Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium petai snack.


Strokes:
According to research in "The New Engla nd Journal of Medicine, " eating petai as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%".


Warts:
Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of petai and place it on the wart. Carefully hold the petai in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, as you can see, petai really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrates, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around. So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A Petai a day keeps the doctor away".

*copied from my aunt's forwarded email

Ok... I know, this is not a big thing. Yes, I know. But to me this is big!

Its been 5 years since the last time I heard from Maciek, my good friend from Poland. To be honest, I do not know what had happened to us. We just dont communicate. Have I did something wrong? Was he ignoring me? Though we've added each other in Facebook while ago... but we still didnt communicate. But I do communicate with his brother, Adam (who is so madly in love with his gf, Trish.. haha), from time to time. My friendship with Maciek were only in mute form, so silent without any slight sound.

Tonight, I do not know... somehow I caught Maciek online in Facebook. So, I thought.... why dont I say Hi. 5 years seems like 500 years, I am very pleased to chat with him again tonight. I missed those feelings of anticipation getting news from him, its funny. Those were the days when internet was pretty new a thing. We communicate like many many many times a day? I still have the letters that he wrote and those presents that he sent to me. And though we're basically halfway around the world, it felt like he's not that far away from me. (ok Lydia... u shall stop there)

Its good to know that he's in France now furthering his study. Its good to know he's back in his part time modelling job, only now in Paris. And it sucks to know he's not engaged anymore (even when he got engaged last Feb, he asked Adam to hush hush from me, which I do not know why). Oh well, all the best for him.



Yes Mak, I miss you too.

Hi,

Over a week ago, I've attend one branch call from down south due to one customer. The branch officer is... err... lets call him Mr.G. During my conversation with him, its rather short but he seems pretty enthusiast talking with me (which I normally keep my conversation short with my clients or any branch officer).

So, few minutes after that I received a compliment memo from him. Decided to read and ignore because good Lords I have many else things to do that day. But later he complaint that I didnt reply, man... he's one kind.

Days after days I just replying his memos, only today I think he already cross the line. He called me thru my cell phone (which I did not pick up as was working that time). Many times I asked him where did he get my number, then he revealed he took it from the company database. He's sneaky old bastard. Pretty creepy ya know. Meaning by any branch could access to my database and to get my personal info? Where's the security on that?

It creeps me out the whole day somehow. So I decided to tell Dave that this particular guy stalking on me. He took it as a joke, alright. Dave got no problem understanding the fact that Mr.G is actually an Indian. He even laugh at it when I told him. But Dave seems to take things seriously when I told him that this Mr.G is 38 years old.

Dear God, may I know why OLD GUYS always attracted to me? And can I get other than Indian, Punjabi, and Pakistani kind of guy? And please ask this Mr.G to buzz off from my life, pretty please.